I feel like nothing has happened since my last post, but also like everything has happened? Lots of thoughts (academic and otherwise) have constantly been bouncing around my brain. In fact, I can't believe I am voluntarily sitting down to write at this after all the coursework.
Februrary came and, as usual, so did the sense of restlessness that always seems to sneak its way in when the promise of spring starts to appear. Then *blink* that all went by and we're half way through March. One look at my exam load in the final week of term was enough to prompt a bit of a panic, then launch me into action. Actually, 'launch' is a little gratuitous...it was more like "well. gotta start sometime. may as well spend my time actually doing the stuff instead of wasting all my time being anxious about it."
So, anticipating that my workload was going to get intense, I tried to be proactive in setting up a strategy for success. Of course, then, that prompted the question:
What am I defining as success right now?
At least twice a year I set aside some time to write out my values and form some sort of misson statement. I am really grateful for this practice because it provides a sort of guide for setting my priorities and reference point for making decisions.
"Does [insert choice here] fit within my priorities and relate to my values?"
if yes, do it.
if no, don't. (or think about shifting priorities)
In a perfect world (which I imagine would be very boring and uptight), all decisions would be that easy. Smooth sailing sounds nice. Oh, to live in environments that make our lives e-z-p-z lemon squeezy.
But...as I am sure some wise old poet once said: shit happens.
Instead, here we are. Living in a very messy, very hard to understand, very complicated, world that can be quite hard to live in. So many factors out of our control. Responsibilties come at us fast, hard, and sometimes all at once. That means it’s all the more important to take inventory of our abilities, limits, environments, and perspectives to to figure out how to manage the things that are in our control.
Naturally, this leaves me with questions. and questions about questions (if that's possible).
What should I be asking to identify what success is to me?
When am I at my most productive? no, that's not the right one.
When am I at my best? Hmmmmm. still not there.
When am I at my most well? Probably not exactly right but its feels like a good starting point.
Okay, so when I figure out the answer to that question, what constraints do I face when trying to reach this point of wellness?
Right now, it seems to be my lack of time and limited energy.
Great...now what tools do I have or need in order to work within those contraints to maintain my wellness?
Time management? again, doesn't feel right.
Maybe instead -- energy management.
I will always have less energy in a day than I have time. 24 hours seems like a lot, but at some point we all need rest and nourishment. No amount of caffeine can or should can keep me awake and well. All kinds of phrases have been used to say "you can't pour from an empty cup," "you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself," "you can't use or give out energy you don't have," etc. We need things that refill our cups, replenish our energy levels. and we need to make sure they are cherished and prioritized. Imagine if energizing activities held equal importance to our so called "productive" work, school work, career work, whatever you want to call it.
We can't do our best, if we aren't at our most well.
Having that guide of value-based priorities helps us maximize our energy. They help us focus our efforts precisely in order to avoid spending our energy on things that aren't moving us towards or in line with our mission.
IS THAT IT? THE ANSWER?! Did I figure {it} out?!
nope. not yet.
oof. ok. let's keep digging.
Right, ok. So now I'm working with a focus on wellness, an understanding of my limited energy, a guide to help me manage it...now I face this challenge: how do I know when I need to refill? If I am managing my time, I know I am working with 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week, and so on. The problem with managing my energy is that it's hard to tell when I am approaching my limit. There's no warning light that comes on and tells me I have 15 miles worth of fuel left and should head to a gas station ASAP if I want to keep moving. There's no "low battery" notification. I just see green light green light green green green green go go go green. RED!
Where's my yellow light? What are my caution signs? and how do I proceed when I notice them coming?
Spotting these yield signals isn't a skill that just comes naturally. At some point we have to learn. As with most things.
There are signs outside the campus dining halls that say "you don't come to university to learn how to shop, cook, and wash up." It's a marketing strategy to sell meal plans, so I can see what they're trying to get at, but I really have to say, it's an irritating message. To me, it implies that you either should have learned how to do it before coming to uni or, if you didn't, don't worry, someone will just do it for you. This kind of message opens up a risky door to: "you didn't come to uni to learn how to [insert any number of life skills here]". Uni is often the first time people live independently. If we don't learn these life skills now, when are we supposed to and who is going to teach us? We don't come into the world knowing what a reasonable price is for cleaning supplies is or how to cook a nutrious meal. We don't just automatically develop self-awareness and self-managment skills. We don't just know how to take care of ourselves.
On "adulting": we have a way of making growing up sound like a loss. Seriously, what's up with that?
Listen, I'm the first to jump on the "adulting sucks" train when I have to pay a bill or schedule an appointment for myself or any of the stuff I was blissfully ignorant to as a kid. But also, if you ask a a kid, I'm sure they'll be quick to tell you all the ways their life is tough, too. A few of them will probably even tell you they can't wait to be a grown up.
Doing life will be hard no matter what stage we are in. There's always something that we wish we could do or have or be and I'm pretty much convinced that there's always going to be something we feel unqualified or unable to do.
I had a gym class teacher approach me the other day and make me try the harder version of some exercise I was doing. It was definitely harder, but I did it. Then I heard her say to the class "KEEP GOING, KEEP TRYING, LOOK WHAT YOU CAN DO! LOOK WHAT YOU CAN DO! LOOK WHAT YOU CAN DO!"
It's important to acknowledge the hard parts of life. More important, is to try anyway. Give it a shot. Then give ourselves a pat on the back and find people who join you in saying "LOOK WHAT YOU CAN DO!"
When life looks like it's gonna get hard, don't hide, don't shut down. Take inventory of your strengths, limits, values, and environment. Then, set yourself up to stay well.
Also, very importantly, when things don't go according to plan (which is all the time), be gentle with yourself. Be as gracious with yourself as you would be with others. Don't accept your own excuses. Accept that you missed your target (it’s fine. failure is a part of learning), but don't quit. Just take it one step, one day at a time. Refill your tank and try again. We can do it.
The last few weeks have been a variation of the same thing: read, study, study, go to class, write a paper, study, eat, sleep, class, study, study with someone, sleep, read, eat, go to class, study, try to get in some activities that reenergize me...you get the picture. It's glamorous.
In the midst of it all, I'm learning this: life is just a bunch of trial and error. It's full of questions. In the end, growing up is just learning to take care of ourselves.
